Did you know that your level of self-esteem, not only affects how you will behave in a relationship, but it also affects who you will attract and select as your partner? Psychologists have found that people tend to be in relationships with partners who share similar feelings about intimacy and dependability on others. However, people do not seek partners who are exactly like them on all dimensions. For example, it has been found that individuals with low self-esteem seek to fulfill their ideal selves by choosing partners who they believe have the qualities they lack.
This might suggest that people with low self-esteem always go for partners with high self-esteem. However, this is not really true. Actually, people with low self-esteem usually attract other people with low self-esteem into their lives so they don’t even get the opportunity to date the high self-esteem people. A person with low self-esteem only considers herself/himself worthy of socializing with people who are equally “bad”. Being with people with high self-esteem is far too stressful for people with low self-esteem because it constantly makes them feel inferior.
The whole picture might therefore look something like this: people with low self-esteem seek out others with low self-esteem to socialise with and they are in return also sought out by other low self-esteem individuals. Out of this group of acquaintances with low self-esteem they then select those who complement them by having different strengths and weaknesses from themselves.
Unfortunately, a relationship between two people with low self-esteem rarely ends well. People with low self-esteem tend to have shorter and less fulfilling relationships compared to people with high self-esteem. The good news is that you CAN raise your self-esteem, and it doesn’t even have to be very difficult. As you raise your self-esteem you will also start to attract people with higher self-esteem than those you have been dating in the past. This will make your relationship much more likely to succeed.